Fear & Doubt | Crossing 30

The essence of being human, is anxiety about being human. We exist and as a result we are anxious. That existence is complex and uncertain and just like anything else that exists, we question its purpose. Thus, our innate need to question our own existence is expected. It’s so messed up, right?

As a child you’re less aware of that question, but as you grow into an adult, with a whole new smorgasbord of worry sandwiches to ram down your throat, things can get a little tough. Student loans, choosing your ‘direction’, identifying who ‘you’ are, mortgages, job after job after job, money money money and watching the world go by, can all be overwhelming and in turn pose the question, ‘what am I even doing here?’

I hoped that when I reached 30 my perspective would change and I’d be more certain of myself, my abilities and my trajectory in life. I’m not. I haven’t got a clue what is in store for me and as someone who plans every day in a diary, that is terrifying. A friend recently asked me, over dinner, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” and I imagined throwing my drink in their face to distract from the fact that I do not have an answer for that (other than a sad face and shrug). Where do YOU see YOURSELF in 5 years Susan? I don’t actually have a friend called Susan. View Post

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